dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
