he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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