Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
