Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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