all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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