my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
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The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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