So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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