oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
