hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
