if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
