my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
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I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
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Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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