wakey wakey hands off snakey
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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