he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
