There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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