You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
