ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
