marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
