just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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