I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
