i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I think i got beer on your cat.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
