I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My vagina just recognized that song.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
