She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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