He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
