I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
