Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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