i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Someone shit on the floor
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
