I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
