Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
