the condom got lost in my hair
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
