I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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