i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
