theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
