it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
