I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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