Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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