i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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