she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
