did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The power of my boobs compel you
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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