im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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