i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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