Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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