Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i need some magic done to my vagina
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
