I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
