We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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