Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
