3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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