we have pet lesbian snakes
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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