It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
