she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
This is classic penis vs brain.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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