things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
