is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
