You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
