Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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