Well apparently he's into motor boating.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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