dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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