but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i think i scared a bird with my dick
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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