Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I could fuck to npr.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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