so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He passed out mid-signature
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
