Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
