a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i think i have two assholes
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
