I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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