My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
