this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
