I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
