Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
