We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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