There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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