Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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