I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
