You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.