Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
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Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
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Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!