life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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