So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations