you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...