So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
