at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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